"No wonder you're so skinny!"

That was said to me this weekend.

My first thought was "Ha! You are joking!" Then I very quickly changed the topic.

You see, I don't think of myself as skinny. I spent a few years obsessing over my weight and calories and eating little food. And sometimes eating too much food. This is not to say I think of myself as fat, because I don't.

I just don't think I'm skinny.

In my mind, skinny is reserved for women who have flat stomachs. They don't even have a tiny little muffin top. They run in sports bras and shorts. They never have to suck it in.

It's not about weight or pant size.

I don't like when people talk about my body. I'm uncomfortable when I get compliments like that or if people ask what I'm doing. I even went off on my mom once because she kept going on and on about it. Now, I don't mind if a person comments on my muscular thighs/legs.

I guess I'm just weird when it comes down to it. I can't accept myself as being classified as skinny. I always think to myself that when I'm a steady size 6 I'll be skinny. Just 1 dress size down from where I'm at.

There are times when I'm dressed and I look at myself and I say in my head that I look skinny today! Then I stand there for a bit too long and start to get uncomfortable with that.

I think the things people said to me in middle school and high school are still with me. The things I told myself during those times are still with me too.

Running gives me power. Power against those jerks. Power against negative self.

settling

while i was fully enjoying my run this morning i thought about settling. i thought about the things in life that don't happen when you settle instead of fighting for things.

lately i've settled for less mileage. i ran 3 miles instead of 4 yesterday.
i've settled for a slower pace. i had been running closer to 10 minute miles instead of the 9:30 min/miles i'm used to.
i've settled for more walking...and less running. which i actually defeated this week, but i still have to work on it.

none of those settling moments will help me achieve my goals next week at the Soldier Field 10 miler and the week after at 13.1 Chicago. being the first time i'll have run double digits back to back i need to train the best i can. i need to push myself. i need to set and (hopefully) obtain goals.

i realized that the runs i had been less than thrilled with performance wise were because i settled. i didn't put effort into them, i didn't have a goal, i didn't have a motivation. i wasn't working towards something. (which is funny since i've got a 10 mile race next weekend and a half marathon the weekend after.)

my run this morning has been the best in far longer than i'd like. i went out with the intentions of running 4 miles. maybe farther if i felt like it. and running the whole thing. and pushing my pace. the first half mile i wanted to drop my mileage. 2 or 3 miles. (to argue: it was colder than i thought and i had goose bumps nearly the whole first mile.) once i got warm and got in my comfort zone on my darling lake front path, i got into a groove and thought "I am going to run the whole 4 miles! And I'm not going to walk. And let's do some negative splits!" i gave myself a goal, something to work for and i pushed myself.

and you know what?

it felt DAMN GOOD to achieve my goals. the chocolate milk afterwards was even better.

overall info. i know you people are totally jealous of my 41ft elevation gain. hills don't exist in Chicago.

splits. apparently i jumped the gun on the last lap. also not sure how a lap 5 got in there.

my route! <3 you south side lake front path.

Race Report: Legs for Literacy 5k 2011

Yesterday I had the pleasure to run the Legs for Literacy 5k. No PR here but it certainly was a race to remember. Overcast, 45* degrees, slightly rainy, and wind gusts (which weren't so bad except for maybe a half mile.) Boyfriend and I arrived about 5 minutes before the 9am start time. Basic set up of 3 tents and a few port-a-potties. It was a small race. Super small. Smaller than my age group in the other races I've run. Boyfriend and I estimated about 75 people ran/walked. I've never crossed the start line right when the clock started...it was exciting.

Crazy people waiting to start. See me in the red-orange pullover in the middle. I was cold.

Yep, that's me. #66 pouting away. I was cold and wished I had a hat instead of a visor. I took the hood down before mile 1.

And we're off! See me? Oh, you can't? Well, that is CLEARLY my foot, bit of sleeve, and visor peeking into the picture on the left. Thanks for the great shot boyfriend.

We headed up this lovely gravel path for a half mile-ish, dodging puddles and each other. I leaped over puddles and I quickly got tired of that, as did everybody else, and ran on the grass, just to the side of the path. We turned around and headed back south on gravel still then took a left turn at the 1 mile mark (a person with a '1' sign and a stopwatch who read our times out loud.) to run on the sidewalk around Diversey Harbor.

Then my double knotted shoe came untied. WHAT?! Yeah, stupid shoelace (only thing I hate about Nike Frees, the damn shoelaces). After a quick bend down to relace it I was off again. We ran across a bridge and made a little loop de loop to head under the bridge/street and continue on a puddle filled gravel path south of Fullerton. Right when I got to the base of the bridge the guy who won the race past by me, heading for the finish. I was at about mile 1.75ish and he was nearly at mile 3. Good job dude!

I ran past a little aid station with 4 volunteers, cheering and offering water. I said thanks for cheering but didn't grab any water. Hit mile 2 and the turn around (a round water fountain marked the turn around point) and headed back north, leaping over more puddles and cursing the headwinds then they blew. As I neared the 3 mile mark (no 3 mile marker though) I picked up my pace and once I rounded the last turn into the finish I went for a sprint and ended up passing 4 people! I crossed the finish line into a little wooden stick and orange tape corral where my bib was promptly ripped off my belly. Um...ok. Guess they needed it for something but I don't know what. I ripped off the little tags at the bottom otherwise they would have taken one of those, not my entire bib.

Finished in about 29:30. Don't know for sure since I forgot to turn Garmin off until after they ripped the bib from me and I walked a few more steps. Not a bad pace considering I really hadn't run since the half marathon. I'm glad I didn't stop (except for the shoe.) I'm pretty happy with myself!

Boyfriend's photography skills were off today. I was trying to look cute and give a thumbs up, now I look creepy.

I picked up a bottle of Gatorade and a few bagel slices and we were off. Boyfriend was cold and just wanted to get back home. Talked to Liz for a few words, poor girl had been out there since 6am setting up and volunteering. Thanks again Liz! Overall, I really LOVED this little race. First off, it benefits children and literacy, they were requesting book donations, I donated a favorite of mine, Little House on the Prairie. Secondly, it was only $25 to register and the perks were great. I love my shirt, and the post race food was delish! Bagels, Gatorade, water, sandwiches, coffee, tea, etc. They had prizes for first and second male and female winners and awards for age groupers too. Boyfriend said I came in about female number 10, so maybe, depending on the age group, I placed...but I don't know. No fancy chip timing, just a clock at the start/finish and no results page on the website. Guess I'll just wait to ask Liz what she finds out later today!

This race was definitely full of firsts for me:

First race in less than ideal weather

First race with under 1,500+ people

First race boyfriend came to spectate

First race I didn't really care about my time

First race I liked the shirt...and it's just a basic cotton long sleeve

First time wearing socks while running in 2 months

First race that had not a single ounce of on course entertainment (but I was fine with it)

Oh, I can't wait for next year! This is definitely a race I am running again and again!

Cookies for Breakfast

I wanted to start eating oatmeal in the morning. It looked quick and yummy and you can make it how you want it. After ruining 3 bowls of oatmeal because I couldn't get it thick enough I gave up and got mad and wondered what I was going to do with 2 containers of oats. Then I remembered a post from A Foodie Stays Fit about an oatmeal cookie for breakfast. A quick search on her recipes page and I found it. The holy grail of easy breakfasts. *Note that this should be prepared the night before.*

Enter stage left: The Breakfast Cookie.

I scribbled down the recipe and pulled out all the necessary items.

Here's the basic version of the recipe:

1/3 cup of oats

1 tablespoon nut butter of your choice

1/8 cup of milk

Mix the oats and nut butter together.

Add in the milk, mix.

Add in your mixers, mix.

Place onto plate and flatten out into a cookie. Put some plastic wrap on top, stick it in the fridge overnight.

Pull it out when you are ready to eat.

Feel free to top it off with:

nut butter

jam

honey apple butter

mango butter

etc

Eat with a spoon and a jealous cat.

Today I Said Goodbye

to Sophie.

We brought her into our home after my uncle found her in an alley by his house. My brother and I *begged* my mom to let us keep her and she quickly gave in. She was 4 months old and had to go to the vet for a complete check up and had to get all her shots and she had ear mites and everything. She cost my mom a lot of money right away.

the first night we brought her home. hello 1990s.

she was an outdoor cat for a while. loved to roam around the neighborhood, hang out in the backyard, etc. she got in a few fights and we had to take her to the vet a few times, once was really bad and she had permanent scarring on her tail and the hair grew back all weird.

a few years ago i got the cats this silly hat. she was not a fan.

we kept her inside after the bad fight, then she became terrified of the outdoors. though she still loved to try and bolt out the door when we would come in. we lived in an apartment by this time so she only ever got into the hallway.

a favorite sleeping position of hers.

when we lived in the house in Elgin, we had this massive unfinished basement. she loved it. there would be mice and she'd catch them and then show them off by bringing them to my mom's or my grandma's bed. they didn't like it. she also loved sleeping on the pipes down there because they were warm. if you couldn't find her chances are she was sleeping on the pipes.

she loved to cuddle and if you weren't paying enough attention to her you'd surely know it!

Queen Sophie for sure!

She was never fond of other animals, especially since she was the only pet in our house for over 10 years. her and rex never got along, especially since rex loves to play and sophie would prefer to keep it quiet.

a month or so ago. you can see she is very tiny. this morning she weighed in at 4.8 pounds.

she would not leave you alone if you had anything to eat. especially anything involving meat. it was like she smelled it before you even thought of it. she would meow and meow until she got what she wanted. she also loved to lick the salt off your plate and try to eat your cereal and milk.

a few days ago. she stopped coming into my room when i got rex about 4 years ago. rarely did she come in and sleep on my bed.

in the past 6 months she got really needy and would cuddle right up to you. if my mom wasn't home and i was she'd sit right by me. this day i was home, feeling under the weather. she tried jumping onto my bed and it didn't work. i picked her up and she cuddled next to me for a while. when i was younger she always slept with me. if i wasn't home she'd sleep with my mom, sometimes with my brother. but he got too big and took up too much of the bed.

today, in the vet's office shortly after we made the decision to let her go to the rainbow bridge. she's happy there and i imagine her as she was 8 years ago. slightly overweight and enjoying things. maybe there's a mouse or two to catch. and she won't be bothered by anybody she doesn't want to be bothered by.

Eyes Right

I apparently had a thing for looking to my right when nearing the finish line.

from the 5k. I'll be investing in v-neck t-shirts from now on. but look at that thigh! 

and of course...

we've got the stink eye monster!

Don't even ask what was over there, I have not a clue.

Race Report: Illinois Marathon Half Marathon

When: Saturday April 30th, 7:30am
Where: Champaign Urbana, IL
# of finishers: 6432
Garmin time: 2:16:46
Chip time: 2:19:27
# of potty breaks: 1...should have stopped once more.
Overall place: 4190
Gender place: 2062
Age Group place: 537

Not the best set up for the race. We ate dinner incredibly late, nearly 10pm due to waiting at Olive Garden for so long. We ended up getting our meal free since our food took far too long, but I would have gladly handed over some money to get our food faster. None of the 4 of us pooped before the race started. And let's face it, everybody knows the key to a good long run is a good big poop.

We left our hotel at 6:30am and drove to the start line. They hadn't closed off streets yet so we zipped to one of the many parking lots near the start and finish lines and found a parking spot with plenty of time left. We all opted to get out of the car and find some bathrooms and somebody recalled that we could go into one of the buildings (can't remember the name) to use the bathrooms...INSIDE! On a windy morning it was glorius.

At the start line I split off from the 3 of them and headed to the 2:10 pacer (they stayed at the 1:55 pacer) to hang out. My plan was to stick with the pacer for the first 3 miles or so and then if I'm feeling good run ahead on my own, knowing I could slow down in the later miles if needed. Well, I lost him by the time I crossed the start line because so many people came in from the sidelines. I took it easy the first 3 miles in which I actually ended up passing the 2:10 pacer. Felt good so I kept on going, not really thinking about anything, completely zoning out.

Around mile 5 I started feeling like I needed a bathroom so I decided that I'd stop at the next group of port-o-lets, which came around mile 5.6 ish. I saw them in the distance and sped up and noted it was a short line! SCORE! Overall an approximate 3 minute potty break. Felt amazing, which you can see by my mile 6 split of 9:20. Coming up to mile 7, which apparently there was a long slow climb in there but I do not recall any sort of hill, I still had yet to hydrate at all so upon the water station I drank a cup of water, grabbed another and a Gatorade to mix some G-rade in water.

We entered into a lovely park and while it kind of stunk to go from road to tiny trail it wasn't that bad, at least for me. I was in my zone and I weaved thru people as needed. It was my favorite part of the whole race, though many others hope it gets cut from the course in the coming years. Once I came out of the park I hit a wall. Took a little walk break to eat a few sport beans, then in mile 10 I stupidly did not stop at the bathroom (no line at all) but I instead told myself I'll be fine, drank 2 cups of water at the station and kept going. But just barely.

Those last 3 miles were really tough. I was tired and for some reason my quads were incredibly sore. I was feeling the very beginning of chafing happening between my legs (forgot I had a small thing of Body Glide in my pocket). I kept looking out for the next set of port-o-lets but they never came (until *right* before the finish). I had to walk to keep *certain things* inside. I shuffled along as fast and as long as I could until it felt like I was going to poop in my lululemon speed shorts (which I have renamed Bad Ass shorts). I took mile 11 slowly, hoping to let everything subside so I could at least run 12 and 13.1 at a decent pace. Somewhere in there the 2:15 pacer passed me. Damn. I felt like crying, mainly because I was scared of crapping in my pants and I was cursing myself for not using the bathroom at mile 10.

I finally got to the last .1 (according to the course, I was already done with my half marathon according to Garmin) and I had been shuffling along for a while but I HAD to stop and walk. So I did and a woman ran up behind me, gave me a hand on the shoulder and said "You are so close! Run with me! Run with me!" So I ran to finish, just a few steps behind her. Woman, if you are reading this, thank you for that push. I needed it!

I neared the finish and gave somebody the stink eye...not sure what I was looking for or at but I didn't seem to like it...

enlarged to show that stink eye i'm giving somebody at the finish. look at that eyebrow!

walked through a water station in mile 7, then walked a bit in miles 10 and 11, then walked a large portion of miles 12 and 13. shuffled along the last .10...which was actually .22/.23.

Overall, it wasn't that bad, and it's a PR! About 3 minutes off my time from Chicago Half Marathon in September! With 3 more half marathons this year I am sure to hit my 2:10 goal! And now that Mary has beat her goal of under 2 hours, she'll gladly run with me at 13.1 to keep me on pace!

Next race: Legs for Literacy 5k. May 15th. Goal: PR my 5k, so under 27:52

Then: Soldier Field 10 Miler. May 28th. Goal: 1:30:00

Race Report: Illinois Marathon 5k

When: Friday, April 29th. 6:30pm
Where: Champaign-Urbana, IL
# of finishers: 4217
Garmin time: 28:19
Chip time: 28:22
Overall Place: 1104
Gender Place: 376
Age Group Place: 75

The first part of the Illinois Marathon I-Challenge was the 5k. New to the Illinois Marathon series, the I-Challenge consisted of running the 5k Friday night and racing in either the half or full marathon on Saturday morning.

I wasn't racing this run, rather just going at whatever speed I feel like, whatever feels comfortable and just seeing how I do. No real goal but I was expecting to finish around 28:30. With my knee/leg/IT band acting up lately I didn't want to push anything.

my splits. i saw my first mile and knew i should slow down. though i did feel pretty comfortable during that mile. just got scared of what might happen if i pushed too much. once i turned into the stadium it was a sprint!

The course basically goes thru downtown Champaign, pretty much in the middle of the U of I campus, makes a few turns, and you end up running into the stadium, making a half loop around on the astroturf then crossing the finish where you get handed a medal and there is some water as well. Then you get the fun of going up stairs to get out. The course itself is basic, start out going over 1 mile straight, turn right, go a little bit further, turn right, hit the 2 mile mark, run some more, right turn, left turn, right turn, then right into the stadium.

 I had my iPod with me in case I wanted to listen to the music but I ended up not using it as I didn't feel like fiddling with it while running. The crowds though...not very enthusiastic. Sure you had some loud college kids, but there was definitely more silence than cheering, especially at the end! The last bit of road before turning into the stadium dead silent...but filled with people on the sidelines. One lady running yelled "IT'S TOO QUIET! YELL FOR US!!!"...then all the runners started cheering for each other.

Overall it wasn't a bad race. Definitely organized and there were tons of volunteers. The only thing I would change would be the start time. Especially for those running the next morning, by the time you finish, get back to your hotel and shower, you don't eat until nearly 9pm, which is really late to be eating for a half or full marathon the next morning.

*no pictures because they aren't on the website. every other race in the series is up but not the 5k. i will post them if they turn up.*